You’re here because you’re thinking about therapy, and that’s a really brave first step. Maybe things have been feeling heavy, or you want to understand yourself better. Whatever your reason, deciding to look for help is a big deal, and sometimes, the question of how to get therapy can feel a little scary. When I personally began seeking counseling it was a tough decision with a lot of uncertainty, from finding the right therapist to figuring out treatment types, and of course, finding someone who takes your insurance.

It’s okay if you feel a bit unsure or even nervous. Lots of people do. There’s this idea that needing to talk to someone is a sign of weakness, but guess what? That’s just not true. Asking for help is a sign of strength. Think of it like this: if you had a problem with your car, you’d take it to a mechanic, right? Your mind is important too, and sometimes it needs a little tune-up from someone who knows how things work. It’s also more common than you think, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, one in five U.S adults live with a mental illness (that’s 23% of the U.S population!).

Therapy isn’t just for big crises. It can help you learn how to handle stress, understand your feelings, and grow as a person. One of the things I’ve come to realize is that therapy is also generally just a great way to make time for yourself and to check in with your feelings. Between work, school, and other hobbies it was easy for me to get caught up in the happenings of life without ever taking the time to ask myself if I was okay.

We all need that time even on days when we’re feeling good and especially on days when we feel low. You deserve to make that time for yourself and work towards improving your mental health, and therapy can be a really helpful way to get there. Let’s break down how to get therapy, step by step, so it feels less like a huge mountain and more like a gentle path. I’ll even include examples from my own journey to display the ups and downs that come with finding the right therapist. 

1. Destigmatizing Mental Health

Before discussing how to get therapy, let’s talk about that little voice in your head that might be whispering, “Should I really do this? Do I really need to get therapy?” It’s normal to have questions and maybe even some worries. We live in a world where talking about our feelings isn’t always encouraged. You might have heard people say things like, “Just get over it,” or “It’s all in your head.” But those sayings don’t really help, do they?

One of the most important parts of my journey was learning to not turn away from those voices, they all have a point to make even if they’re not being objective or necessarily honest about what you need. That fear and apprehension is what’s trying to keep you safe, you don’t need to discard it. To begin finding help and getting therapy, acknowledging its presence while not letting your actions be dictated by the fear will help lead you in the right direction.

Everyone has moments where they feel isolated or experience declines in their mental health which speaks to the commonality of getting help. As a matter of fact, in 2023 the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared the presence of a loneliness epidemic, further emphasizing the normality of wanting support for mental health. Seeking therapy is like taking care of yourself, just in a different way. You’re investing in your well-being, and that’s something to be proud of.

You’re not alone in considering therapy. Lots of people from all walks of life find it helpful. It’s a safe space where you can talk openly without judgment, which can make a huge difference whether you want to address certain issues or check in with yourself. Initially, I believed that my struggles were only unique to me and that nobody else was facing similar problems, but that’s simply not true.

Beginning was the hardest part of my journey and once you learn to accept that no human experience is original and that there is nothing wrong with seeking help, it will make the process of finding it that much easier. So let’s put aside any old ideas about therapy and focus on what it can actually do for you – help you feel better, understand yourself, and build a happier life.

2. Self-Reflection and Defining Your Needs in Therapy

Journaling in a book
Writing down your needs, struggles, and goals can be a great start before finding therapy.

Before you start looking for a therapist, it can be helpful to spend a little time thinking about what you’re hoping to get out of it. One thing that helped me map out what kind of help I needed was keeping a journal of my emotions and thoughts from day to day. This helped me track thought patterns, triggers, and components of what made some days harder to manage than others. While this will also help with therapy, it is a great way to build emotional intelligence which is foundational to making therapy effective.

Psychologist Grace Tworek noted in an article by the Cleveland Clinic that journaling can provide meaningful insights into how you feel which in turn can bring about more self awareness.  If you’re unsure where to start, researching how to get therapy can give you a clearer idea of available options and what might work best for you. Seeing these patterns will be extremely helpful in determining how to get therapy that caters to your needs, what kind of treatment you’ll need, and what your potential therapist should specialize in.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • What’s bringing you here? Are you feeling stressed, sad, anxious, or angry? Is there a specific problem you want to work through, like relationship issues or trouble sleeping? Your therapist will ask you this in your first session so it’s important to have this answered or at least have an idea of what some of your concerns are. This is where journaling really helped me figure out what some of my pain points were so that I had a better understanding of what was bringing me into the session. 
  • What do you hope therapy will do for you? Do you want to feel less stressed? Learn better ways to handle your emotions? Want to understand why you react to things in certain ways? It’s also important to have goals so that you have a destination of what kind of person you want to be (note that this will require time and effort). I made a list of the things I wanted out of therapy as well as what thought patterns about myself I wanted to change so that when I went to session I could track my progress and adjust accordingly.
  • What kind of person would you feel comfortable talking to? Would you prefer to talk to a man or a woman? Is there a certain age range you’d feel more at ease with? Whatever you decide, it’s crucial that whoever you decide upon makes you feel safe, heard, and addresses what you want in session. I needed to list out some of the things I was looking for in a therapist to make the search process easier including the type of treatment I was looking for, in my case CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Medical News Today gives an excellent overview of the different treatment types and their uses, I strongly recommend doing your research on this to get a better understanding of what might address your needs.
  • What about the practical stuff? How to get therapy is only one question that’s part of the puzzle. You should also ask yourself how often can you go to therapy? What’s your budget? Would online sessions work better for you than going to an office? Counseling will be integrated into your routine if you decide to be consistent with it so you’ll need to consider how it will fit into your schedule and what is most convenient for you. In my personal experience, I needed to adjust session times based on work meetings so that sessions wouldn’t conflict with any work or school obligations. Keeping a calendar of all my to-do’s, events, and other obligations helped make this easier. This gave me a breakdown of how my time was partitioned throughout the day making scheduling appointments all the more easier.

Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers right now. This is just a starting point to get you thinking. Knowing even a little bit about what you want will make the search process easier. There were some answers I figured out along the way as I met the therapist I wanted and determined what goals to pursue depending on how treatment was progressing.

3. Exploring Resources for Getting Therapy

Okay, you’ve thought about what you need. Now, where do you actually start looking to get therapy and find a therapist? This step can feel a little daunting and it certainly did for me, but bear in mind that you already have an idea of what you’re looking for! Here are some of the resources I used to find my therapist:

  • Online Directories: Websites like Psychology Today, Zocdoc, and Alma have big lists of therapists. You can search by what they specialize in, where they are located (or if they do online sessions), and what insurance they take. You will have a wide array of providers to choose from which may seem overwhelming. What helped me remain focused was keeping in mind the expectations I had mentioned previously as well as dealbreakers (insurance type, treatment types, expertise, etc.).
  • Your Insurance Company: If you plan to use your insurance (which you certainly should), your insurance company’s website will have a list of therapists who are “in-network.” This means you’ll likely pay a lot less than if you were out of network. Look for a section called “Find a Doctor” or “Find a Provider.”
  • People You Trust: Before I began counseling I thankfully had a large group of friends and acquaintances who were or have been in therapy who I could refer to for finding the right counselor. Having loved ones helps make the search a lot easier as they can go as far as to show you how to get therapy. Asking friends, family, or your doctor for a recommendation can be really helpful, and they may even have more resources for you to reach out to. 
  • Work or School Resources: My first counselor was actually through a school program that offered mental health resources. This helped dip my toes into the world of therapy, and while it didn’t pair me with the counselor I needed it helped kick start the process. If you have a job or go to school, they might have programs that offer these services. These can be a great way to get started with therapy if you’re still uncertain about the process or need a surefire resource.

Don’t feel like you have to pick the first person you find. Finding the right therapist is equally as important as getting therapy itself, so take your time to explore a few different options. Determine whether the therapist you landed on speaks to your needs.

4. Outreach and Screening

How to get therapy -screening your therapist.
Trust your feelings when meeting your therapist.

You’ve found a few therapists who look promising. Now it’s time to reach out and determine whether they’re the right pick for you. This might feel a little nerve-wracking, but remember, they’re used to getting these kinds of messages, and this is just another step on the road to getting therapy. It’s also their job to create a safe environment, so know that you’ll be in good hands. 

A simple email or phone call is usually all it takes. You can say something like:

“Hello, my name is [Your Name]. I’m looking for a therapist who can help with [briefly mention what you’re dealing with]. I was wondering if you have any availability for new clients and what your fees are.”

If this seems like too much, many therapists allow you to book intake appointments (initial sessions) on their website. These will ask you preliminary questions such as what brings you in, the treatment type you’re looking for, your goals, and what insurance you have (if they take insurance). 

Many therapists offer a short, free phone call (like 10-15 minutes) to see if you might be a good fit. This is a great chance for you to ask them some questions, like:

  • “What’s your approach to therapy?”
  • “What kind of experience do you have helping people with [your issue]?”
  • “What’s a typical therapy session like with you?”
  • “Do you accept insurance?”

This call is also for you to see how you feel talking to them. Do you feel comfortable around them? Do they seem to understand what you’re saying? Trusting your gut is a vital component of this process. During my search, I needed to make sure I could engage in at least a small level of vulnerability with my counselor before I could commit to them. While this is something that takes time to determine your gut feeling is usually pretty trustworthy here, if the person you’re talking to seems like a good fit, chances are that they are.

5. Patience and Persistence

Cairn on a beach, patience in getting therapy
All good things take time, including getting therapy.

Now we arrive at arguably the most important step, when it comes to getting therapy, consistency is key. Finding the right therapist can sometimes take a little bit of time. It’s like finding the right pair of shoes – you might have to try on a few before you find the perfect fit. Don’t get discouraged if the first few people you contact aren’t available or don’t feel like the right match. It took me quite a few tries before I found the person who was right for me.

Keep reaching out, keep exploring your options, and remember why you started this journey in the first place. You’re taking a positive step for yourself by asking how to get therapy, and that’s something to be proud of.

It’s also okay if you start seeing a therapist and realize after a few sessions that it’s not the right fit. Ideally, there are a few green and red flags you should be aware of as you speak to your counselor. In my experience, you’ll sense a few of these as you have your first few sessions, but as mentioned earlier trusting your gut and how you feel is essential.

There was one therapist I came across in my search who I initially thought was the right fit but over the course of a few sessions, I began to realize that my feelings weren’t being validated and that I wasn’t experiencing the growth or change that I wanted. These are just a few indicators of what might signify whether you’ve found the right therapist or not.  Here is a more comprehensive list of green and red flags according to Anesis Therapy Center:

  • Green Flags: Being respectful of your time, validating your feelings, and establishing clear boundaries
  • Red Flags: They try to force their own perspective on you, they’re not being considerate of your time (late to session), and they judge your actions

Conclusion

The question of how to get therapy may seem like a complicated question with an even more complicated process, but when you break it down into smaller steps, it becomes much more manageable. Remember, taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health. Both require time and effort, and progress won’t always be a straight line. There will be hard times and maybe even hard sessions but as long as you remember your goals and know what you want out of counseling, it will make the investment very much worth it.

Don’t let any old ideas about mental health hold you back. You’re strong for asking yourself how to get therapy, and there are people out there who want to help. Taking the first step is always difficult, I once sat on the fence for a long time, debating whether or not I should seek help, but once I took that leap of faith I can proudly say that I haven’t looked back. While there were and still are difficulties along the way I managed to find the counselor who was right for me. Be patient with yourself, explore your options, and trust that you can find someone who will be a good support for you or show you how to get the therapy that you deserve. You’ve got this.