Hi there! My name is Melina Courtney, and I was adopted by wonderful parents when I was five months old. But here’s the thing: they looked different from me. That’s because I had a transracial adoption, which means my parents are one race and I’m another. I was adopted from Mazatenango, Guatemala by white parents in the United States.

I was only five months old when I was adopted out of my home country. My birth mother was a lovely woman from what I was told but could not read or write as Guatemala is a third world country. My biological mother did one of the hardest things a mother can do which is give up her child so they could have a better life. My brother who was also transracially adopted from Guatemala was adopted out at the age of one year. His birth mother was kicked out of her home for being pregnant and therefore gave him up for adoption. We now both reside in New York and are both incredibly happy with our transracial adoption!

Transracial Adoption Debate 

Transracial adoption has positively changed my life, but it can also come with some unique challenges and experiences, especially when it comes to race. I have been through a lot of trying times pertaining to my adoption. I have had to deal with children bullying me, pointing out the fact that I’m not white, getting weird stares from people who have never seen a Guatemalan before that day, being called “white-washed” on the daily, and people asking how much my parents paid for me.

Transracial adoption has been a topic of debate as some believe it should not be allowed as it may be problematic for children growing up. Although I went through some hard times, I would do it again the same way. Transracial adoption no doubt has some hardships which is why I want to share some tips I’ve learned along the way, hoping to help families considering transracial adoption create a loving and supportive home for their child. 

Celebrate Their Culture

Everyone has a culture, and it’s a big part of who they are! Culture includes things like food, music, holidays, languages, and even stories. If you’re adopting a child transracially, their culture might be different from yours. That’s okay! In fact, it’s something to celebrate!

Here are some ways you can celebrate your child’s culture:

• Learn about their traditions: Read books together, watch movies, or find online resources about their heritage.
• Cook food from their culture: Explore recipes and have fun trying new dishes together!
• Find cultural events: Look for festivals, music shows, or community gatherings that celebrate your child’s background.
• Learn some words in their language: Even a few phrases can show your child you’re interested in learning about them.

By celebrating your child’s culture, you’re showing them you love and respect who they are. Additionally, you are helping them navigate their racial identity. This is an incredibly important step to take for your child as transracial adoption can be seen as a negative from the child’s perspective until it’s celebrated.

From personal experience, I would have loved to have been more immersed in my culture during my youth. My parents tried their best but did not think to learn about my unique Guatemalan culture that they could have later shared with me. I know that growing up I would have benefited from my parents teaching me about my countries traditions, food, events, and language. It may be true that some kids will not be bothered if they are kept from their culture but it’s overall a good idea to celebrate their culture nevertheless. This is important to give them a sense of identity and belonging while going through a transracial adoption. 

Keep Siblings Together

If you’re considering adopting a child and they have a sibling, there’s a good chance you might be thinking about adopting their siblings too, if possible. This is a great idea! Siblings who grow up together have a special bond, and separating them can be really tough.

Here’s why keeping siblings together through a transracial adoption is important:

• They already have a support system: Siblings understand each other in a way nobody else can. Having a familiar face can make a big difference during transracial adoption. It can ensure that they have someone they feel comfortable enough to confide in. In addition, they are able to tackle life challenges together as they are both in the same boat. 
• They share a history: Siblings have memories together, good and bad. Keeping them together allows them to continue supporting each other.
• They feel less alone: Adoption is a big change. Having a sibling by your side can make the adjustment period a little easier. 

Of course, there might be situations where keeping siblings together isn’t possible. But if it can be done, it’s usually the best choice for everyone involved. Likewise, if you want to adopt two children, you may want to adopt them from the same country. Adopting two kids from the same country who are not siblings can also be beneficial. 

Adopting two unrelated children from the same country might be something to consider as they are of the same race. From personal experience, having a non-biological sibling of the same race as myself helped me feel less alone. I was not the only brown person growing up surrounded by white people. I was able to look at my brother and feel a sort of comfort from him looking like me. Growing up surrounded by people who look nothing like you can be incredibly hard for some kids to deal with.

It is better, in my opinion, to adopt two non-biological children of the same race than one child of one race and the other child of another because they may feel more secluded. It also may be harder on the parents’ end to make sure each child is getting the proper exposure to their own culture. Many cultures are vastly different so rather than having to deal with more than one culture you can focus on just one making it less stressful for the children and the parents.

Of course, adopting any child is amazing but from experience, I believe it would have been harder for me growing up if I did not have a sibling who is the same race as me. Once again, every child is different but by adopting two of the same race, you are setting yourself up for success.

Listen to Their Concerns About Transracial Adoption

Being adopted is amazing, but it can also be confusing sometimes. Imagine moving to a new house, but instead of a new house, it’s a whole new life with a new family and maybe even a new race or culture. This is what children who go through transracial adoption have to deal with. That’s a lot to take in!  As you build your family, here are some ways to listen to your adopted child’s concerns:

• Create a safe space to talk: Let your child know they can always come to you with any questions or worries they might have, big or small. Make sure to keep that door of communication open as it will only make the bond grow stronger between you and your child. 
• Use simple language: When talking about transracial adoption and race, keep your explanations clear and easy to understand. It may be easier to acclimate the younger the child but as for older children, it can be difficult to understand what exactly is happening. Transracial adoption can be confusing for the child as well as yourself!
• Pay attention to their feelings: Sometimes kids might not be able to express their feelings with words. It might take some time for them to open up since they have been through so much. Watch for changes in their behavior, like becoming withdrawn or quiet as this can be a secret sign of struggling. Remember, all children are different and some who come from different backgrounds are used to different ways of doing things. 

Remember, your child’s feelings are valid. Let them know you’re there to listen without judgment. For me personally, my mother spoke to me about my adoption process from a young age, giving me information that I could comprehend at that age. As I got older she shared more and more.

By speaking about it you open up a space for them to ask questions they might not otherwise ask in fear of you not being willing to tell them. It’s best not to keep anything secret about their adoption (depending on their age of course!) as it may hinder how much they trust you later on in life.

I was able to be confident as an adoptee since I knew my story and therefore I also felt more comfortable in my own skin knowing where I came from. I always recommend being honest about the child’s adoption story even though I know some people are hesitant to tell the truth. My parents explained everything they went through to adopt me and it actually made me happy to hear as I felt wanted and loved. 

Educate Yourself Previous to Transracial Adoption

Thinking about adopting a child from a different race is a wonderful thing! But before you welcome your new family member home, it’s important to do your homework. Here’s why educating yourself beforehand is important:

• Understanding their culture: The more you know about your child’s heritage, the better you can support them in exploring their identity. If possible, research as much as you can prior to taking home the child especially if the child you’re adopting is older. It will help an older child acclimate to their surroundings even more if they can feel a sense of their culture in your home. Understanding their culture helps you be able to welcome them into their new home as best as you can. 
• Challenging your own biases: We all have biases, even if we don’t realize it. Learning about race and cultural sensitivity can help you create a more open-minded and welcoming home. Before a transracial adoption it is important to educate yourself not only on culture but the issues their race may face in society as they will have to grow up without a model of their own race therefore they depend on you to help them deal with biases and microaggressions. Kids might not even realize they are facing racism when they are young so it is important to be able to spot it/know of it so you can educate them on what racism is and how to combat it. Children who grow up with different colored parents can face a different type of bullying from fellow children of the different color. Children may point out that the child looks different from the parents so it’s important to teach them to watch out for microaggressions and other forms of racism to defend themselves. 
• Finding resources: There are many books, websites, and organizations dedicated to transracial adoption. Take advantage of these resources to learn more!

Here are some ways to educate yourself:

• Read books and articles: Look for books written by adoptees or experts on transracial adoption. This article is a great place to start! 
• Talk to other adoptive families: Connecting with families who have similar experiences can be a great source of support and information. As a child, the thing that helped my parents the most with transracial adoption was finding a support group consisting of Guatemalan children and their parents. It was helpful to my parents as they were able to discuss with fellow parents of Guatemalan children to learn more about the culture or the difficulties they may face in the future. If you are struggling to find educational resources, finding a group dedicated to your child’s race or culture is a good place to start. 
• Attend workshops or conferences: Many organizations offer workshops and conferences on transracial adoption. 

By educating yourself, you’re showing your child you’re committed to understanding and celebrating their background. In my case, my parents told me their biggest regret was not knowing enough about my culture when they adopted me. They regret not being able to share details about my own culture. They did not realize they would be just forcing me into their own culture instead of letting me choose. They also regret not teaching me Spanish so I could feel more in touch with my people.

I recommend, even if you can’t learn their language, to at least get them a teacher at a young age to give them that opportunity. I was devastated that I never learned Spanish as I feel left out of my Hispanic culture. There’s now a bigger barrier between me and my own people which caused me a lot of sadness. If you adopt an older child, transracially, I recommend learning at least a few phrases in their language as it may make them more comfortable showing that you made an effort to connect and communicate with them. 

A Successful Transracial Adoption

Transracially adopting a child can be very difficult and a lot of the process takes trial and error. However, I hope I was able to make it a bit easier for those who are looking to adopt transracially. Let my story act as a positive success story. I encourage those who are looking to adopt but might be unsure to adopt transracially even though it might be way out of your comfort zone. I believe that as long as you make an effort using the tips I have shared you will have a great chance of having a successful adoption!

As a reminder, every child is different and some will not even bat an eye when finding out about their adoption story. My brother, for example, does not think very deeply about his adoption and really has no interest in getting to know the culture. My advice at the end of the day is to take this chance because you have the ability to give a child a better life.

I am forever grateful for my parents and my brother. I went from living in a third world country to living in New York with everything I could ever ask for. I am incredibly proud of my transracial adoption story and I hope for the same thing for other children like me because adoption is a beautiful thing.