What’s it really like to be engaged? For me, it’s been exciting, slightly overwhelming, and absolutely beautiful.
After being together for over four years, we were both more than ready. I admit, I was starting to get a little antsy by the time a proposal was lurking.
It was around Christmas-time that I became a fiancée. We were at one of our favorite Italian restaurants, which was beautifully decorated for the holidays. The moment was the best gift I could’ve asked for.
Engagement isn’t just about wedding planning—it’s also about laying the foundation for lifelong relationship success. It isn’t just about saying “yes” to a proposal; it’s about saying “yes” to each other, every single day.
Even if you are not engaged or planning to get married, I believe that a lot of the lessons I’ve learned are important for successful relationships. Join me as we explore the core elements that transform a short-lived romance into a lifelong partnership.
My fiancé and I on Christmas Eve, a couple of days after becoming engaged
1. Discover Your Passion, Discover Your Partner: Individual and Shared Hobbies Deepen Connection for Relationship Success
Maintain Your Individuality
Be your authentic self first, and then commit to being part of a couple for a successful relationship. You want to have your own interests and passions and encourage your partner to do the same.
“Having individual hobbies doesn’t create distance; it creates a healthy sense of self within the relationship. It allows you to develop your own identity and interests, which in turn strengthens the bond you share with your partner.”
My partner and I both have activities we like to do on our own, which is also great for when we are not together. For instance, he’ll play Madden when I’m away and I like some alone time with a book.
Even when we are together, we often do activities on our own– like while I am painting, he will play the guitar. We can enjoy each other’s company but also engage in our individual artistic passions.
Find Activities You Love to Do Together
But it’s also important to find shared interests and activities that you both enjoy. Explore new hobbies together or simply spend time doing things you both love. These moments help build relationship success and deepen your connection.
In ‘The 5 Love Languages,’ Dr. Gary Chapman describes different ways people express and receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Personally, out of the five love languages, mine is quality time.
Me and my fiancé enjoy going on nearly daily walks together around our neighborhood. We share a love of the outdoors, so you can find us hiking an Adirondack 46’er or planning our next grand trip. It’s not just about the views—it’s about the brews too. Hiking challenges us, teaches us patience, and helps us better communicate with each other.
Grow Together While Pursuing Your Own Goals
Working out together can be a great way to spend time together and motivate each other. However, remember to stay focused on your personal goals and avoid comparing yourself to your partner for relationship success.
Although we share similar meals and workouts, my fiancé may lift more, burn more calories, and lose weight faster. I choose not to let this discourage me; instead, it inspires me to keep pushing forward. I remind myself that I am on my own unique fitness journey.
A couple working out together at a gym. Activities together build relationship success.
Over the years, we’ve developed a shared love for each other’s music, movies, sports teams, and comedians, so we frequently buy two tickets to enjoy these events together. We’ve found relationship success when he’s consistently open to trying new things that either I want to do or that he knows we would both enjoy. We’ve created years of memories and can’t wait to make more.
2. Couples and Cash: Build a Strong Financial Foundation Without the Conflict
Money Talks
“Money is not the most important thing in life, but it can create a lot of stress when it’s not handled well. Couples who communicate and work together can build a strong financial future,” says Dave Ramsey, financial expert and best-selling author.
You will find more relationship success when you are open and honest about finances with your partner. Discuss your financial goals, create a budget that works for both of you and be transparent about your spending habits.
Open and honest conversations about money are key to relationship success
Be open and honest about finances with your partner. Discuss your financial goals, create a budget that works for both of you and be transparent about your spending habits.
Even from the beginning, my partner and I have been sensitive to what each of us can afford. We keep limits on gifts for holidays, especially Christmas and birthdays. We have regular money talks to keep us on the same page and make sure we are going down the same path.
Planning for the Future Together
Often we have been told not to go into debt over one day, and this is something that we have kept to heart with our wedding planning. We have been sitting down regularly to talk about the larger expenses.
My fiancé is actively involved in the decisions for our big day and we keep each other honest about our priorities and future. Some parts of the wedding are more important to us, like the food and photography, so that’s where we have budgeted more of our total spend.
Now, since we are engaged, we look at the money that we earn as shared– not mine or his, but ours. Our goals are more long-term than when we were dating. Although we have similar incomes now, that may change over time. Remember, it’s not about having the same amount of money; it’s about aligning financially, which is key to relationship success.
3. Unplugged Love: Find Relationship Success by Using Tech Less
Creating Phone-Free Quality Time
“Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it, there’s suffering. Phones and technology can get in the way of that. Couples need to establish boundaries with phones to foster real connection.”
We schedule regular date nights to focus on each other without distractions. Whether it is at the art museum, park, or out to eat I like to show my partner respect by keeping my phone away and letting him know that I am there just for him. By doing this, we actively nurture our relationship success, ensuring we stay emotionally connected without the distractions of the digital world.
Enjoy Off-line Activities
When we feel overwhelmed by too much screen time, reading becomes a wonderful alternative for entertainment. We recommend books to each other and enjoy quiet time together.
I often find it easier to disconnect when outside. You can’t get a good signal in some parts of the woods and you don’t want to get your phone wet if you’re on the water. We are also into active activities like HIIT classes, biking, and playing volleyball. We can do this together and we stay in the moment and off our phones.
By prioritizing real-life interactions, we can foster relationship success and create lasting memories without the distractions of the digital world. You will find relationship success when you unplug because you build a deeper connection, better communication and more quality time with your partner.
4. Why You Should Never Badmouth Your Partner: The Impact on the Success of Your Relationship
Keep it Private
Gossiping hurts relationship success. Build up your partner, don’t tear them down
Some happily married Redditors shared the same advice when asked about their relationship success: you should never “air your dirty laundry” to your friends, family, and others.
It’s important to remember that the way you speak about your partner to others can greatly impact both your relationship and how others perceive it.
When you make negative comments about your partner you can create doubt or misunderstanding in the minds of those who hear them. While you might want support during difficult moments, you must differentiate between seeking advice and airing grievances.
Constantly speaking badly of your partner to others can destroy trust and respect in the relationship, making it harder to maintain a healthy dynamic.
Speak with Love, Even When Apart
“If you speak badly about your partner in front of others, you’re undermining the partnership. Instead, speak with kindness and appreciation, and let the world see the person you love in the best possible light.”
My partner and I try to keep all of our disagreements private. When I do this I am showing my partner that I truly value his dignity and the bond we share.
We’ve known several people who have tried to encourage us to vent about each other to the same extent that they do about their partners. This is something that I deliberately avoid. This mindset has also helped me to build communication and mutual respect with my partner, strengthening our relationship even when challenges arise.
5. For Better or For Worse: Overcome Challenges Together for Relationship Success
Effective Communication in Conflict
Every so often my partner and I have disagreements. It’s important to remember that we’re on the same team and to approach it with a mindset of collaboration, seeking solutions that work for both of us.
For relationship success, avoid personal attacks and focus on the issue at hand.
You want to have effective, clear communication when solving a conflict with your partner. Do not be accusatory or defensive, and show empathy and understanding.
Sometimes it is better to take a step back, cool off, and return to the conversation later. This can prevent saying something in the heat of the argument that you might regret later.
Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it determines relationship success
Building Resilience Through Adversity
“Love and desire are not fixed—they evolve. A successful relationship requires not just passion, but also an ongoing process of reinvention and adaptation, particularly when faced with life’s inevitable challenges,” says Dr. Esther Perel, therapist and author.
Life can get stressful and challenges like financial difficulties, mental health issues, or losing a loved one can test us. However, the moments also help us to build resilience as a couple. During tough times, lean on each other for support.
Be a source of comfort and strength for your partner, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. If you are always the strong one, remember it is okay to show your vulnerable side.
Some challenges can end a relationship. For example, I believe infidelity isn’t just a challenging time for couples—it’s usually the beginning of the end of the relationship, as lost trust can’t be restored. Building trust consistently helps with relationship success and long-term commitment.
It is also crucial to celebrate the good times. We make sure to also acknowledge our wins, no matter how small. My fiancé has been by my side through so many important milestones already. I am reminded of the progress we have made and I’m filled with anticipation for what lies ahead.
6. Love’s Journey: Grow Together Through Every Season of Your Relationship
Nurturing Intimacy
We joke that we never got over ‘the honeymoon phase,’ but what this says is that it is important to keep the excitement and anticipation alive– just like when we started dating. Maintaining intimacy requires conscious effort and a willingness to adapt as your relationship evolves. Intimacy isn’t just about sex; it’s about vulnerability, shared experiences, and a deep sense of knowing and being known.
According to Dr. Esther Perel, “Love over time requires both stability and adventure. Couples must find balance between maintaining security and allowing room for curiosity and novelty. Love thrives when partners continue to discover new things about each other as they grow together.”
Intimacy is a dynamic process, and it requires continuous nurturing and attention to thrive over the long term. It is about creating and maintaining a safe space where you can both be your authentic selves and continue to grow closer.
Prioritize quality time together, even if it’s just a few minutes each day to connect without distractions. A Redditor lists three questions to ask your partner regularly: “1. What do you need from me? 2. Are we still having fun? And 3. How can I support you personally and professionally?” Schedule regular ‘check-ins’ to discuss your needs and desires, both physical and emotional to optimize relationship success.
The Importance of Family Planning
Before getting married, it’s crucial to have a discussion about family planning and whether or not you want kids. If you are not upfront about your desire to have (or not have) kids, it can cause tension in the relationship and, in some cases, cause it to end.
If you choose to start a family, discuss what kind of parents you both want to be. This involves your approach to raising a kid, parenting styles, or any cultural or religious values that might affect your parenting decisions.
Present a united front to help minimize future conflicts and support a healthier, more successful relationship with your partner. This is essential for family and relationship success because it provides consistency, authority and builds trust and security.
Love, teamwork and patience are key to relationship success in parenthood
My mom, who has been married to my dad for 36 years, describes how having kids changes a relationship and household dynamic. You need to love and take care of your kids, but overall you need to put your partner first for relationship success. The reason, she says, is that you are teaching your kids what a good relationship should look like. Throughout the years, my parents have always been a leading example of lasting love.
My Journey to Relationship Success
As we plan our wedding, we are focusing on strengthening the foundation of our relationship by building shared passions, navigating finances together, sharing each other’s praises, and disconnecting from technology to truly connect. Love requires intention, effort, and mutual respect.
While there will always be challenges along the way, it’s the shared journey—full of laughter, communication, and growth—that will pave the way for relationship success. We are committed to building a partnership and friendship that flourishes, not just in the good times but through every season of life.
Hello, I'm Laura! I wrote this article at the beginning of my journey towards a lifetime commitment with my partner. I hope that my experience is insightful for fostering lasting love. In my personal life I enjoy art, volleyball and hiking.
